Dutch Kills Bar-Find it. See it. Hear it.

Bitch of a wind blows on Jackson Avenue. Desolate sidewalk. Metal gates pulled over most store fronts except one. That store? Vacant stationary store. Dusty windows. Sign above entrance. “Jules. Serving You Since 1933.”

Can’t do this one straight, so follow:

Zoom in on a white neon sign flashing above a black Triumph motorcycle parked on sidewalk. Single word on neon sign blinks: “Bar.”  Now zoom in on a red brick building. Plywood covers a window. You’re not sure if you’ve got the address right. Your heart pumps.

Dutch Kills Front

You got it right. Dutch Kills Bar entrance along Jackson Avenue in Long Island City.

Suddenly, a cop car spins out from a dead end street. You’re so freaked you pull the bar’s door open and hope you’re somewhere good.

You are.

Dutch Kills Bar.

Railroad flat shaped room. Dark wooden walls. Dim lighting. Booths with red curtains. Couples chat. They look at you. You look at them. Everyone looks away on cue. Notable sound system. Music’s got a good beat. You walk in a straight line because that’s all you’ve got.

Bar area at far end of the room.

Dutch Kills Inside 1

View from inside of Dutch Kills Bar. Long and narrow and  like something from a Martin Scorsese movie set.

 

Think secret hideaway. Mismatched chandeliers hang above varnished bar counter top. Bartenders in long sleeve striped shirts and vests. When customers leave money a bartender rings a copper bell. Against bar above a juke box an antique American Flag.

The atmosphere is something you’d expect from a Martin Scorsese movie, but it’s real.

Very real, too.

All seats filled except one. You navigate length of bar. Tight squeeze. Maybe eighteen inches between bar seats and wall. You pass Friday nighters.

“Hey, how you doing?”

She ain’t talking and who really cares anyway.

So, you look at the photographs on the wall until the bartender notices you. Photos showing refrigeration and blocks of ice. You don’t get it, but know there’s a reason for it.

Bartender’s got you in his scope. Tall thin with a deep voice He pours you a glass of water with cucumber in a pewter shot glass. His voice is drop dead duplicate for Bela Lugosi. Absolute baritone like nothing you’ve ever heard. You compliment him on his voice. “I got born lucky,” he replies. Call the man with the magical voice Jamie. He dreams about being a baseball announcer. Meanwhile, everyone knows him as Jamie and he dreams about sitting in the radio’s announcer’s booth at Citifield. “I want to be the next Howie Rose,” says Jamie.

He presents the Dutch Kills Bar menu. Heavy plastic with a blue border. Greek diner motif for those who care.

Eight house cocktails ($13) with names that make you smile.

Bleecker Street Tonic. Cavendish Kiss. Cock N’ Bull Special. Diamondback. Manzana Malvada. Old Vermont. St. Charles Swizzle. The Voorhees.

You pick Old Vermont. Maple syrup on ‘roids. A mixture of gin, maple syrup, fresh juices of lemon and orange. Shaken and served straight up.

Dutch Kills drink

Old Vermont Cocktail served at Dutch Kills Bar. Think Maple Syrup on ‘roids. Goes well after a work week.

 

Your drinks finished. Edge comes off work week. You drop money on the bar. The bell rings. You push the drink menu forward and that’s when you see it:

Bottom of last page of drink menu:

“*Bela Lugosi’s Dead.”

Can’t make this stuff up. Pure Scorsese.

Info: Dutch Kills Bar

Address: 27-24 Jackson Avenue, Long Island City

Phone:718-383-2724

Website: www.dutchkillsbar.com

Email: dutchkillsbar@gmail.com

Hours: 5 pm ‘ till 2 am (or later)

Bathrooms: Spacious.

Nearest Subway Stations:

E-M-R at Queens Plaza

E-M-G at Court Square

N-Q-& at Queensboro Plaza

Parking: After 7 p.m. it’s all yours along Jackson Avenue 

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So Long Status Quo Pubs, Hello Bierocracy.

Outside night

Bierocracy. Where the standard for beer halls reaches a new level along Jackson Avenue in Long Island City and beyond.

 

Here we go, again.

The status quo is taking a hit.

The market is rattled. The debates are frazzled. But one thing is not changed. A suit reaching for headlines with his rhetoric.

So, tell me Tex… Do you really believe New Yorkers lack values?

Really ?

Okay, if that’s how you feel then we need to do the old democratic heave ho and lift a few sterns. You’re a good old Ivy Leaguer. Sure you know how to tilt back a stern.

First choice ?

Bierocracy along Jackson Avenue in Long Island City.

Interesting name, huh?

Well, if you want interesting Bierocracy is the place.  Almost half a block long with a corner location. A large oval white marble bar. Good lighting, too.

Bar shot 2.png

If there is an award for marble top bars then the counter top at Bierocracy gets first prize on the Queens side of the East River.

Floor to ceiling glass windows that look out on Jackson Avenue. Dark stained wooden floors. Brown ceiling fans hang from the stucco white ceiling. Black and white silent films run on screens against walls. And the noise level?  Bearable.

Four seating areas. Some with varnished wooden communal tables. Long comfortable tables, too. Who knows? If you’re lucky you might sit between two people that comprise the melting pot we brag about in Queens.

Communal table 1

Communal tables. A pleasant respite at Bierocracy.

Listen Tex, you’re going to have to cross the boulevard at some point, so you might as well start  at Bierocracy. Understand that the demographics at this ‘bierhall’ might leave you speechless and that’s not be a bad thing for the rest of us. If anything after lifting a few at Bierocracy you might just come to your senses and realize how nonsensical your remark was about New Yorkers and values.

Imagine this:

Hipsters lifting beer sterns with Hipsters. Women sitting with women. Asian Americans sitting with Asians and non-Asians. Latin men wearing New York Yankee caps tilted to the side. Latin women laughing and mingling with Latins and non-Latins. African Americans in sport jackets speaking to Caucasians. Men sitting with men. Overweight bald gents laughing loudly. And–can you imagine anything more valueless than a person sitting alone and reading a book?

And you want to hear something else, Tex?

Bierocracy has eleven standard beers and ales on tap along with a rotating selection of IPA’s, local and seasonal brews. They also have a vast selection of bottled Ales, IPA’s, Wheat beers, Lagers, porters/Stouts along with Cider/Sour and Lambics.

Too many choices for you, Tex?

Well. here’s your takeaway while deciding on what beer to order. It’s called farblonjet in Yiddish, which is to say confused. (Can’t imagine Yiddish rings a bell for you).

Eric #1

Eric, a bartender at Bierocracy, puts a B-Dark on Bierocracy’s marble bar top.

So, to ease you’re confusion, we’ll throw you a bone:

Go with the B-Dark on tap.

Brewed off premise by a contractor. Similar in color to a Coca-Cola. Smooth first taste. Easy finish. Hint of molasses flavor. Somewhat effervescent, but in a good way. A good chice with most of the  items on Bierocracy’s menu, which is described as spin on a “Central European bierhall cuisine.”

So, what do you say Tex?

Think you’re ready to drop your theocracy and champion democracy at Bierocracy ?

And if not?

Just take note of how we vote.

Info:

Bierocracy

12-23 Jackson Avenue

(at 47th Road)

Long Island City, Queens, NY 11101

(718) 361-9333

7 to Vernon Blvd.-Jackson Avenue

G to 21st 

Hours of Operation

Monday-Wednesday: 4 pm-1 am

Thursday: 4 pm- 2 am

Friday:       3 pm – 4 am

Saturday:  11 am-4 am

Sunday:     11 am – 1 am

Live Music Thursday Nights

Website: 

http://www.bierocracy.com/long-island-city/

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Service:   Efficient. Friendly. Dressed in black and white long sleeve shirts and black pants.

Bathrooms:  Vast. Well-lit. Clean. Modern amenities.